Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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