I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
