I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
