He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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