this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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