Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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