this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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