and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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