I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
