I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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