Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
