We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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