also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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