this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize