Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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