She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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