my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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