Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
