He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
pray to the hookup gods
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
