Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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