I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
