He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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