Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
