I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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