I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
