Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
