Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
