Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
