three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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