Three words: puerto rican gang bang
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
