so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
