Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
