someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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