..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
