toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
