Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
