i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
