just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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