Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
