you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
