Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
