If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
