The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Randomize
