now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
