about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
