Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
