I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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