Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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