so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
