y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
