I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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