Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
