I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
