I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
