Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
