oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You're like the curious george of whores
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
