I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
