I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
