haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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