just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
