I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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