you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize