My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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