Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
